Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
About Varied / Hobbyist Ryan Caratao CookMale/United States Groups :iconda-gaydragons: dA-GayDragons
 
Recent Activity
Deviant for 5 Years
Needs Premium Membership
Statistics 1,626 Deviations 807 Comments 1,635,877 Pageviews

Newest Deviations

:iconcritique1plz::iconcritique2plz:
:iconyouareplz::iconallowedplz:

These are the newest deviations of mine. You may critique it constructively, positively, and as detailed as possible so I can improve to the best of abilities until it can no longer be any better. I hope to succeed.

Groups

deviantID

AzureParagon's Profile Picture
AzureParagon
Ryan Caratao Cook
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United States
ALL-PURPOSE: ART, stream, video, writing, 3D, animation, photos, music, news, gaming, etc.

Current Residence: Charlotte NC (Real) / Etheleskia, planet Armathia (Fictional)
deviantWEAR sizing preference: XL
Print preference: Large/V-Large/S-Large/Ultra-Large/Hyper-Large(Oversize)
Favourite genre of music: Trance, Dance, Electronic, Intelligence, Rock, Hard Rock, Orchestra, Classic, Anime, Game, Soundtrack, New Age
Favourite photographer: The person from digital apoptosis
Favourite style of art: Surreal, poetic, aesthetic, high-detail, realism, balanced, complete, and well-efforted artworks
Operating System: Windows 7 Home Premium SP1
MP3 player of choice: iPod/WMP/Quicktime
Shell of choice: Turtle
Wallpaper of choice: Dragon
Skin of choice: Scales
Favourite cartoon character: Ashitaka, Saya Otonashi, Edward Elric, and Simon (Gurren Lagann)
Personal Quote: 손 때까지 잘 작동이 떨어지!
Interests
Please accept for who I am as I accept for you who are.

I'll be leaving this journal up for a very long time for anyone, and I mean anyone else to read and understand. It's an honest announcement, and this is not a journal worth joking nor taking for granted, believe me. With the words I will speak below, this is who I am in true nature. I am only human(imperfect).


www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_mLb8… ♪

Today, lately, last month, months ago, and even years ago for many, many years, I've battled through hardships and been blamed of badly, and I've had my hardships and condemnation still remains. Ill will or not, it's only natural, and it seems I'll have to live by this inner warfare for the rest of it to come. I wish it wasn't. I can't blame anyone for my frustrations and lack of true support anymore. I may need Psychotherapy

This is an important message, and I think it's clear enough (if not diagnosed evidentially) to say that I actually do have depression. Yes, most of you have all seen it, and if not yet, you probably will, unless it can be cured, stopped, and put to rest for peace, once and for all, so I too can be in inner peace.

It is a serious and ever true mental issue that some people have, worldwide. Whether it's true I have it or not, my behavior and conditions of how I am to say and do things, should be present enough.

Whether I still have you (if you're reading this) blocked or not, that doesn't matter anymore to worry. I'm here to say now, that I am sorry (even to those I knew for years).Yes, I am sorry to everyone that I have made any possible mistakes with. It's your choice to forgive or not, but I would for once kindly ask for it, and I will appreciate it fully.

This isn't who I am. I do not know who I really am anymore as depression grew from me for almost a decade. A friend said if I was able to calm down (generally speaking), I would have a better life. Truthfully, that's not the case, and it's unfortunate especially with such an overbearing past. I tried my hardest for as long as I can to hide it because it would scare people away, and it has pushed people away unfortunately.

The thing is, by the nature to the core, I honestly don't want to wish ill-will of people, not anymore for sure. My sadistic mentality and nightmare-ishly angry thoughts have actually been around for a long time, and it has been getting worse and worse since then and I will not know when it will end.

Please, I need your help and support, anyone's proper support and light. It would be appreciated.I am very sorry for anyone that I hurt, because I could not control my anger and my trust issues were overly high. That said, my fear, anxiety, paranoia, and sadness has led people to leave me away. 

www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4smzO… ♪

Since I was little and even up to now, I tried to be as happy as I can, but eventually I couldn't really hide nor shake off the feeling of being ridiculed and blamed for of anything everything because I was socially awkward and my brain works differently. It's apparent that I cannot socialize with people well, and I have grown defectively of it since I found out during my pre-teen years that I had Autism, and Asperger's Syndrome not long afterwards over a year later. Despite this, I need real help, and honest, gentle support. I've finally stepped up to making this journal after much thought and distress. I want the "war" to truly end for once.

It's difficult writing everything I need to say. But please bear with my bad-wording. As an artist, I paint because I've always done it since I was incredibly young. Really, it's among the only things I'm truly happy about because of the confidence and good nature it brings to both myself and to others. Despite this, I haven't been happy at all for many years and still am not really so despite my efforts to cheer up.

I have to say that my mother, my brother, and my sister have ruined how I wished I could be, but this isn't a blame game anymore. I felt I've turned out as a person to this date that I wish I could turn back. I regret it very badly and I try to ease my regrets because of how unhappy I truly have become. I didn't want to believe it at first, but it turns out my family, especially my loving and supportive dad, were right that I most certainly really do have depression.

I've been incredibly frustrated all these years because of the way I've been treated, outcast all the time, and most clearly, very misunderstood. It's very hard to live calmly like this. I didn't know how to fit in, and I couldn't be myself. By then, I grew incredibly bitter, untrusting, and hurt all the time. I could never come up with the best answer to end depression for real.

And to those who greeted me a happy birthday, thank you. I want to say that I'm still glad I am alive up to this point. Thank you guys for your incoming support, past supports, and even the arts any one of you have done for me, and even will do, whether finished or not. It's the thought that counts. Even to those that did not greet me, that's okay. Everything has its reasons, and I want to forgive the rest of you for that.

In the end, I guess I couldn't hide it anymore. All I wish for from now on, is true health and happiness. No more pressure, no more expectations, no more unresolved problems, and no more anxiety & depression.

Please let there be light from the unlit tunnel that is the state of unhappiness I endure. Thank you, furiends.

With sincere statements, considerate condolences, and heartful honesty,
~Azure Paragon

P.S: Watch this uplifting video, and please remember who you are:www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gc4HGQ…


Here are some quotes I want to live by, and feel free to read it to your heart's content, please:

"No matter what happens follow the path that you believe in. Accept your past. If you get stuck remember this ‘nankurunaisa’ live today for tomorrow, and don’t forget to smile." George’s last words.

Nankurunaisa = “things will work out”

“Live today, and smile tomorrow. If you live life to the fullest, looking forward to tomorrow, things will work out.”

~Quotes and lines from George, from Blood+
----

To all furiends and life forms, thank you very much. I'll still be here. I just need to rest and let it all out.... <3

I'm sorry to everyone and anyone who has worried about me, whether you were there or have left me before.

Let's try our best to be happy in 2015 and furthermore. Remember with attitude, you choose to be happy. Nothing can really make you happy, but be glad you have the ability to ease yourself and lead to your peace.

Take care everyone, and I want to let you know that Zelda has influenced my childhood very well. I had fun.
~^.=.^~

And a finishing music just because I wanted to: www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8nCED…

Always remember to smile, have fun, value those you love and those in need, and cherish your memories. Be who you want to be, be yourself, and let yourself be you.

*waves a childhood good-bye, and chokes up shedding dearly dragon tears, healing ways*

AdCast - Ads from the Community

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconancientechidna:
AncientEchidna Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Happy Birthday! :cake:
Reply
:iconlieutenanthawk:
LieutenantHawk Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2014  Student General Artist
Thanks for the watch, mate! I appreciate it.
Reply
:icondutch-man:
Dutch-man Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2014
thanks for the fav :3
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconpucky010:
Pucky010 Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2014
Can you make a logo of "Majoras Revenge", too?
Reply
(1 Reply)
Add a Comment: